practice self love May 14, 2019
When I was in graduate school and my boyfriend told me I needed to love myself first, that his love was secondary, I didn’t know how to do that. I remember thinking about two of my really good friends in college. At the time I had thought of them as selfish and high maintenance, but when I realized I needed to learn how to love myself I also realized that this is what they had been doing. They had recognized their self-worth and owned it.
I began to use them as role models to help me “fake it ’til you make it”. It was really hard for me to see where I was not treating myself the best (we don’t know what we don’t know, right?) but thinking about what they would do made several things stick out like a sore thumb. Slowly I started claiming my worth.
While I was busy acting as if, I made two important discoveries. The first was this:
WHEN WE USE LOVE AS A VERB, AND “LOVE OURSELVES” (TAKE LOVING ACTIONS TOWARDS OURSELVES) THE FEELING FOLLOWS.
After all, taking loving actions is how we show love to others, so why not ourselves? My second discovery:
TAKING LOVING ACTIONS BEFORE FEELING LOVE, TAKES COURAGE.
When I was taking my actions I often felt selfish and awkward. I wondered what people would think. I thought I might annoy people or lose friends. I would doubt my decisions or my ‘right’ to ask for something.
The only reason I kept moving forward is because I knew the dangers of not being true to myself. It was self-abandonment and betrayal, or self-love. There was no other option and I was done abandoning myself.
To get you started, here is a list of 40 ways to love yourself:
When you do not take loving actions, I would ask, “What message are you giving yourself?”
Practicing Self Care Grows Self Love
Pay attention to how you feel when taking these actions. Does it feel awkward? Do you feel selfish? Do you doubt your worth? Are you needing to ask for others’ opinion about your decisions — such as for the restaurant or the movie (vs. picking a movie/restaurant and seeing who wants to go)? Notice those judgements. This is where you are uncovering the gap!
I don’t mean this list to be for everyone to do all the time. But if there is a gap for you then this list is yours. I wrote it for you. This is your medicine. Take these actions until they come naturally!
WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE OTHERS WHOLEHEARTEDLY INCREASES AS WELL.
I wrote an article on why self-love is so important, and 3 tips to love yourself today, so check it out. This article focuses on the first tip in that list.
What do you think? Do you have an action you would like to add to the list?
Patrick Dahdal and all the team at Transformation TV are thrilled to be working with Rachel Lajoie and sharing her unique message with the world.
Get to know Rachel more and watch her f*r*ee TV show here:
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